Virgins Looking for Sex

Last week I wrote about the main reason many Indonesian women are with bules. It gives them a chance to have sex without being condemned, without being judged, called a slut or immoral or a bad person.

I told the story of Crazy Ana, an Indonesian woman who sought out many men for sex. But many of the women who seek out bules for sex have not had many men before. Some of them are virgins.

In my own experience, in less than six months, three Indonesian virgins wanted me to be the first man they had sex with. This is not something that happens to me all the time. In my entire life, it only happened once before I came to Indonesia.

The reason for this is obvious. Again, I don’t claim to be especially handsome. It’s just that these women realized that I would not look down on them for having what in America or Europe is very normal sexual desire. In western countries, most people lose their virginity at about 16 or 17, sometimes younger. Sexual desire begins at the start of your early teenage years, and it is no wonder that young adult Indonesian women sometimes feel quite trapped by having to deny or hold back their desire for more than a decade.

I thought the best way talk about this was to give everyone an example from my book An Indonesian Love Story, with a woman I will call Grace A line of dots shows where I had to leave out part of the story, the parts that are too naughty to be published in a newspaper. Again, anyone wanting to read those parts must buy the book.


Grace was the most wonderful woman I have ever known in my life, as beautiful in her heart and soul as in her body. It was a great honor to be her first, to be the one to take her virginity.

When I met her I was just amazed at her beauty, and I still am to this day. I also could not believe how she thought she looked ugly. Grace was just a little bit darker than me, but she believed she was far too dark. Her eyes always seemed to be smiling, but still showed her shyness. She usually seemed to be trying to eat her own lips. But when she smiled, her whole face lit up. It was a smile of the whole face, from her eyes to her mouth to her cheeks to the very corners of her face. So I tried to make her smile all the time with me.

She was tiny, perhaps 160 cm, and weighed less than 45 kilos, but believed she was fat. I loved her beauty so much I wanted to write poetry about all of her, from her smiling eyes, to cheeks you wanted to pinch, to the tilt of her head, to an elegant neck, to the curve of her back, to her soft inviting stomach, to her cute little legs and butt, and especially to her amazing breasts.

Sometimes I wish were the world’s greatest painter, to make my memories of her amazing breasts into an immortal painting for all the world to see. Or that I was a great sculptor, to feel the shape of clay in my hands taking the same shape as her breasts….

This beauty of twenty five was quiet, shy, a deeply religious Christian girl who went to church every Sunday no matter where she was. She was also a virgin who always told her friends to stay pure, stay untouched until marriage, to never do more than hold hands with your boyfriend. She had only two boyfriends before me. The first was when she was 22 and did not hold her hand until after four months. The second had to wait six months to hold hands, and a year to kiss her good night on the cheek. He wanted to do more than kiss her cheek, so they broke up.

Yet with me she chose to lose her virginity on our second time together.

We met the first time at a restaurant. We ate and spoke very little. I asked her to my home. I took her to the balcony to see the night view. As I moved close to her she spoke:

“I don’t know what you expect from me.” She explained about how long her boyfriends waited.

“I don’t expect anything from you. I just want to know you because you are such a sweet person,” I said.

And she went back home. But only a few nights later she called and asked to meet me again. This time the restaurant was at a mall. There were many people walking past who could see us.

“I want something different,” she said. “All my life I’m always the good girl. But with you I want something different, to change my life forever.”

And with those words, she leaned over and kissed me very quickly on the lips. Then she looked around to see who was watching us. A few people noticed, but no one said anything. So this quiet Christian girl had her first kiss on the lips, in public, while unmarried, and with a tall foreigner.

Next, she explained to me that she wanted to lose her virginity to me. Being a foreigner, I did not know anyone who could tell her family or friends. With me her secret was safe from everyone but the strangers we saw on the street. And to them it was obvious. Everyone knew a foreigner would not be with an Indonesian woman if they were not having sex. That idea excited her….

Our faces were very close as I promised her, “We do nothing you don’t want to do. I will be very careful not to hurt you. If it hurts, we stop, and then try again when you feel better, when you want to and are ready. And you will not get pregnant, I swear. I will be always be very careful.”

She smiled nervously and agreed. I was the kind of man she wanted. She still wanted to lose her virginity to me. That night I was very gentle with her. I was very slow and careful, and when it started to hurt her I stopped for a moment. But she was so excited she begged me to do it some more.

Losing her virginity actually took two nights. The second night together, sex did not hurt her….

It was on our third night together that I started to tie her hands. She discovered how much she liked for me to tell her what to do, and to feel so very helpless and not be able to say no or stop me….She was the one who thought up new ways for me to tie her up….

It was on the fourth night that she discovered just how excited she was for me to touch her….          

It was on the fifth night together that she discovered how much she liked to use her mouth on me….

It was on the sixth night together that she discovered she liked me taking pictures and video of her nude and during sex….

It was on the seventh night that this once very shy girl, a quiet religious Christian who had been a virgin until she was twenty five, discovered she liked to have sex in public. She liked for others to watch her during sex….

The first time we had sex in public was in the back of a taxi, at night…

The second time in public was in the woods near the waterfalls….

The third time in public was at the beach….

The fourth time was in a park…

The fifth time in public was on the plane to Bali….

I joked with her that she should go to America or Japan to be a stripper, or be an actress in porn. She answered that she could never do porn. She liked a lot of sex with me, but did not want to be with many men. She trusted me, and knew I would treat her well. She did not know or trust most men and knew many of them would not treat her well, would use her and think her to be a slut. Her family also could find out. The authorities would almost certainly punish her too.

But she liked the idea of being a stripper, of many men looking at her and getting excited… thinking she was sexy. I’m sure if she lived in a western country she would wear very little clothing, perhaps wear a bikini top and shorts as her everyday clothing, or never wear a bra or panties.


….All of this talk of so much sex may make you think we were just crazy for sex. And we were. But Grace was also the most amazing person I have ever known, a beautiful soul, heart, mind, and spirit as well as an amazing lovely body and a great love for sex. Sex was just one way we became close. If we had not become close, the sex would get very boring very quickly. Sex without emotion for the one you are with is less exciting than touching yourself, and much more work.

She invited me to Bali….We saw temples, markets, art, and many other beautiful sights. But none were as beautiful as her. On the beach or walking down the street to the beach she wore the smallest bikini she could find, a white one that was see through when wet, showing everyone her… Walking around Denpassar she wore the bikini top with very small shorts. She laughed at how I always tried to wet her bikini top.

We also laughed at the Bali cowboys, the male prostitutes in their thongs, cowboy hats and cowboy boots, chasing after middle aged bule women as well as gay men. There was a cowboy near the hotel who would say to each passing bule woman, “What can I do for you? What can you do for me?” And most of the women were taller than him, and also fat. Seeing him standing next to a fat bule was like looking at the number one standing next to a zero. In America or Europe, these women would not be seen as beautiful. But that blond hair blinded some Indonesian men into thinking they were. Or maybe they just wanted their money, or quick and easy sex.

 A week after that, Grace told me she had met an Australian man while we were apart.  After she found out I had been seeing other women, she went online looking for another foreign man. Many wrote to her, but only a few of them interested her. Some were very crude and cursed. Some only wanted sex chat. One even sent her a photo of his penis. Many Indonesian men had written to her too, but most mentioned they wanted to marry a virgin. The ones that didn’t mention wanting a virgin only wanted sex chat. She showed me the chats she had saved because she found them funny. Most of these men sounded like very young boys who had never had sex.

But one man had seemed very nice to her, a brown haired Australian man as tall as me. After a few weeks he took a plane trip to see her. The two of them met at a restaurant. He was nice in person also, friendly and funny. But in the end she could not be with him because she liked me more. After so much time together, so many months of sex, talking, laughter, and yes, love, she could not imagine herself with another man. 

God’s cruel sense of humor was strong, and everything we do just makes him laugh. He is cruel for using the need of a young sweet woman for love to teach me a lesson and show me how foolish I am.


An American Man is the pen name of the author of An Indonesian Love Story by an American Man, the true story of a westerner’s love and experiences with Indonesian women, a romance and love poem to the people and land of Indonesia.

Available at and

This post is crossposted at my Author’s Blog at  and my Facebook page at!/pages/Indonesian-Love-Story/186217388093423

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